I am reading a fabulous book right now called “Mindset” I highly recommend it to everyone on EARTH. For the majority of my life I’ve had a fixed mindset. This started really early, when I was told from a very young age that I would never be a good test taker. I accepted this as fact, instead of the utter bullshit that it was, simply, because I had a fixed mindset. For years, this had me locked into being afraid of challenges, and being afraid of not being smart. This also manifested into me seeking out those I deemed “smart” and putting them on pedestals, making them feel perfect, and worshiping them. I would only stay interested in things I did well right away, and this fixed mindset fueled my developing perfectionism. The idea that one evaluation can measure you forever is complete bullshit, and also horrifying for those with a fixed mindset. The thought that you must succeed perfectly, and immediately hinders growth on so many levels. I began to slaughter my fixed mindset in my 20’s when I wanted to do something that would require some pretty intense testing. I chose to do it anyway. I thrived. I left a safe relationship that wasn’t serving me, though I stayed in out of fear of not being able to do it on my own. I thrived. I moved to a city I always wanted to live in, without a job lined up, I thrived. I started a business in an industry I knew nothing about, I thrived. I completely shifted my fixed mindset into a growth mindset over a series of choices. I continue to learn, and I continue to thrive. I am no longer scared to take risks or try new things. Get the book.
Last night when I was spending some quality time with my friend Liz, we were sitting outside, watching an amazing thunderstorm and laughing over a silly little personality quiz. There is a part in the quiz that asks you to describe a ladder in detail, mine was wooden and went up into the clouds as far as the eye could see. Later, you find that the ladder represents your ambition. I have to whole heartedly agree with that one. My ambition does go straight up into the clouds. What I have discovered over the years is this; as I keep climbing, it keeps growing, it keeps inviting me towards more. To deepen. To receive. To expand.
I am BEYOND grateful this book came into my life. I didn’t realize how far down the rabbit hole I had gone with my dieting mentality. It showed up in sneaky ways, in the form of cleanses, detoxes, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, no sugar, and on and on. All of the “rules” I created around my food triggered an inner rebellion, because they were an assault on my personal autonomy and boundaries. Once I read this book, I had a MAJOR holy shit moment. But I knew it was just the beginning for me in unravelling all of the toxic patterns I have developed over time with food and my thoughts. I created several cognitive distortions over the years, very strong statements that were based on false beliefs. I look forward to the unravelling. As with any personal growth journey, it’s a path to healing not a switch. For anyone who has ever struggled with insanity around food, I invite you to read this wonderful book. I will also link an awesome podcast that I just discovered from Christy Harrison, and Intuitive Eating Coach & Anti-Diet Registered Dietician Nutritionist. Stop the fucking insanity.
I had to say a sacred no this week. It was a no for me, simply because of energy. I have become very protective of the energy that I allow in my space over the last few years, and it has completely expanded my life in so many beautiful ways. In the past, I would say yes to things that felt off. I would force myself to do it anyway, and it would always end badly. In the past, I had to figure out what exactly was wrong with the energy before I said no (which was an epic waste of brain real estate) but I no longer have to do this. I simply trust myself, and my intuition. Saying no, with grace, is a very important detail of self-care. When you say no, you create space. Space for the sacred yes.
Personal growth is not linear. Sometimes it’s several steps forward, and then a few steps back. Sometimes it’s so many steps forward that you think “I’ve got it!” until you find yourself crashing back. Sliding into old ways of thinking. They can be sneaky, you can think that it’s reality, but it’s not. It’s simply your ego trying to keep you safe. Ego isn’t a huge fan of personal growth. It has been your trusted servant for so long, convincing you not to take the leap, not finish the song, not write the book, not to start the business, because it’s not safe! You will be ridiculed! People will say mean things! You’re not smart enough dammit! The ego wants you to be safe. But the soul. The soul wants you to grow, expand, take risks and evolve. Be who you were meant to be in this world. Shine. Allow. Expand. Honor the ego, thank it deeply for it’s service to you over the years. Then, simply choose something new. Slowly, your ego will mellow out, see that you mean business, protect you when you need it, even if it means not getting in your way, so you can grow through some of the hurt that will present itself. Keep going.
Sugar is a mood killer. A low-vibe soul-sucking dark cloud visitor. A positivity squasher. An energy vampire. Your mean girl BFF that you know you need to get rid of. Your energy stealing, beauty dulling, sweet sweet devil. Sugar is not your friend. She is so sweet and inviting. Charming, and alluring. Her sweetness lures you to her dark side. Where you will crave more and more and feel worse and worse. Try having just a little, you can’t. It’s not her way. She wants to keep you dark and depressed. A siren, who sings only to you (or so you think.) A one-sided relationship that gives just enough, in order to take the rest for herself. We all eat lies when our souls are hungry. One more bite, of this seductive, abusive, relationship. Just one more. She is an expert at meeting her own needs at the expense of yours. She is a charmer, untruthful and manipulative. Devoid of remorse or empathy. Regularly provokes you, and then blames you for falling for it. She makes you feel guilty, and question your own sanity. You are unhappy in this relationship, yet you fear losing it. She is trying to isolate you. I didn’t think that I was in an abusive relationship, I was a strong, educated, independent woman. I would NEVER stay in an abusive relationship, so obviously, I wasn’t in one. Only I was, her name was sugar.
After my clients today, I headed to Chipotle to get some lunch. When I pulled up to park, I saw two men trying to get the dirt off their boots on the curb by my car. They started towards the door, and took the time to hold the door for me, smile, and let me go ahead of them in line. In that moment, I was deeply affected by their kindness. As they struggled with their English a bit to order, I decided in that moment, that I wanted to buy their lunch. So I did, secretly. The girl that checked me out just smiled, and I ran out of there before I could get found out. I share this story not for the accolades, but to inspire you to do the same. I believe kindness is contagious, and that is a virus worth spreading. Not the other options available in America right now. Choose kindness, when you are moved in the moment, take immediate action, however small. It will shift the energy of the planet.
I used to have an insatiable need to know. I mean, it was bananas. I was vigilant about expending my energy to try and be three steps ahead of everyone in my life. Including, ruminating over each possible outcome to never be taken off guard. It was exhausting. One of the best things I’ve ever heard was “everything you need to know will reveal itself to you without any effort on your part.” that silenced me. It’s like I could finally exhale for the first time in my life. It is what allowed me to release the exhausting and ineffective behavior of needing to know. I now thrive in peace, surrounded by serenity, and allow life to unfold.
Intention over impulse. Wow. I have been listening to a lot of Brendon Burchard lately. This. This was huge for me. As I sat with this for awhile I realized I am a very impulsive person. Not that this is invariably bad. It’s what makes me able to create song ideas on a whim, quick copy, marketing ideas, honor friendships with impromptu activities etc. It’s just interesting to ponder each side of this. It also has the capability to steal a lot of my focus if I don’t keep it in awareness and honor it on a conscious level. It’s actually the reason this blog post came to be. I had a break in between appointments at work, and came to Starbucks to ponder this very thought.
Tim Ferriss said “being able to do anything you want all of the time is a recipe for disaster, paralysis and procrastination for the creative person.” I couldn’t agree more as a very creative person, ironically, who needs a lot of downtime to recharge. That doesn’t mean I need downtime 24/7 but it does mean I need a balance of both downtime, and productive time. This week I discovered The Productivity Planner. I had never heard of The Pomodoro Technique before, but it is something that I could immediately get onboard with. The Pomodoro is all about blocks of focused time. You set a timer for 25 minutes and begin, without interruption. Aside from making me hungry for an Italian feast, it has been essential to my daily routine. I invite you to click the link above to learn more about it if you wish.